How to Choose a Vibrator
The
truly amazing array of vibrator styles, sizes, and materials can
be both inspiring and a little daunting. Finding the perfect
vibrator may take some
self-loving homework. Answering these few simple questions can
help cut through the information overload and prevent buyer's
remorse.
-
What
do you want to use it for? Do
you want to use it on your clitoris? Do you want to put it in
your vagina or anus? Since just about anything that vibrates
feels good on or around the clitoris, phallic-shaped vibrators
suitable for penetration can also be used outside the vagina
if the vibration is strong at the tip. Do you want both the
full feeling of penetration and that all-important clitoral
buzz? Dual Action Vibrators mean never having to choose
one feeling at the expense of the other. If you intend
to use a toy for anal insertion, make sure it has a flared
base so it doesn't slip all the way in. While there are
vibrating sex toys made especially for anal use, most are not,
so it's best to get one specifically designed for anal play if
that's what you fancy.
-
How
strong do you want your vibration to be? If
you've never used a vibrator before, this is a tough question
to answer with certainty, so prepare to experiment! If you
masturbate with a firm rub on the clitoris rather than a light
touch, you're more likely to appreciate a strong vibration.
Pick a toy with a variable speed control so you can play
around until you discover just what amount of vibration starts
your motor. After some initial investigation, you'll be ready
to hone in on your vibrating dream date orgasm.
-
How
big do you want it to be?
Discreet purse-sized sex toys like the Pocket Rocket hold a
lot of appeal for orgasms on the go. If it's never going far
beyond your bedside drawer, size may not be a concern. Plug in
vibrators are not portable, but offer the most bang for the
buck by outlasting their battery-powered cousins by years. If
you plan to use the vibrator for penetration, the girth of the
toy may be as crucial as the intensity of the vibrations. If
you're not sure how much girth you want, go smaller rather
than larger so you know your new vibrator will fit.
-
What's
your aesthetic? Say
you've whittled the choices down to two or three contenders,
using all available information; now it's time to cast
rational thinking aside and pick the one that tickles that
sexy part of your imagination. It may be the prettiest one,
the kinkiest one, or the most comforting and familiar one.
Desire and aesthetic are deeply personal and entwined; pick
the vibrator or vibrators that speak to you.
Excerpted from Sex
Toys 101: A Playfully Uninhibited Guide, by Rachel
Venning and Claire Cavanah
How to Use a Vibrator:
Most
women require direct clitoral stimulation to achieve orgasm—and
the powerful, consistent stimulation of a vibrator delivers like
nothing else can. For those unfamiliar with the delicious buzz of
vibration, these pleasure-providing sex toys can be a little
daunting. Before you buy, check out our How to Choose a Vibrator
for great tips on choosing the sex toy that's right for you. Once
you've got your vibrator of choice in hand, it's time for the fun
to begin.
-
First,
set the mood. Give
yourself a block of time to play with your new toy, put in
some relaxing music. You might feel more comfortable using a
vibrator alone for the first time, so you can get used to your
body's response without having to think about a partner at the
same time.
-
Run
it along your body. No
need to rush to the clitoris with that new vibe. Get used to
the feeling first by running it over your body—try it on
your nipples, thighs and or anywhere you're inspired to
explore.
-
Add
the clitoris. When you're feeling turned on, try holding the
vibrator against your clitoris. Some
women find the vibrations intense the first few times; if this
is true for you place a towel between you and your toy or use
it over your underwear.
-
Experiment
with your sex toy. Vary
the pressure, the speed, or the position of the vibrator to
discover what feels the best to you. The clitoris has about a
jillion nerve endings (okay, more like 4,000), and is often
most responsive to vibration. Any vibrator, even those long
skinny ones that look great for penetration, can be used on
the clit. You might find that as you get more warmed up, you
like more intense stimulation. But by all means, try that toy
anywhere that feels good.
-
Add
extras. If
you really like G Spot play or vaginal penetration combined
with clit stimulation, try one of our Dual Action Vibes. And
though the vaginal walls aren't as sensitive to vibration as
the clit, your vibrator is sure to double as a dildo,
especially if you choose a toy made of a soft material.
· 'Don't
Give Up' Tips
o A
drop or two of lube, like Liquid Silk, will make your vibrator
forays deliciously slippery.
o Men
like vibes, too!
o If
sharing your sex toy, using it anally, or just to make cleanup
easier, slide a condom on it first.
o Clean
your vibrator with soap and water after use.
G-Spot
and Female Ejaculation
The
G-spot is a mass of spongy tissue wrapped around the urethra,
which can be felt through the front wall of the vagina. During
arousal, it fills with fluid and has a texture that can feel bumpy
or crinkly. To find your G-spot, insert a few fingers 2-3 inches
into the vagina and pull forward towards the pubic bone. While the
size and sensitivity of the G-spot varies greatly, pressure on the
G-spot can cause some folks to ejaculate fluid. This fluid is
different than urine and is similar to prostate fluid.
-
Use
fingers to rhythmically stroke in a “come hither” motion.
Thumping, tapping or vibrations can feel great too.
-
Curves
are a good shape to stimulate the G-spot. Check out toys like
the Nubby G.
-
Try
a combination of G-spot stimulation and clit stimulation.
-
Some
women prefer indirect stimulation; try G-spot stimulation
through your anus, or by pressing down on your belly just
above the pubic bone.
-
Experiment
with different positions during penetration.
-
A
full vagina may block ejaculate, so try pulling out toys,
fingers, etc. when you orgasm and bear down.
-
G-spot
response varies dramatically, so enjoy all the sensations –
don’t make it a quest.
The
Frisky Biscuit is not responsible or liable for any injury or
damage that may result from actions taken from these suggestions.
P-Spot
Stimulation
The
P-spot, or prostate, is an almond shaped gland located just below
the bladder. The prostate’s function is to produce fluid that
helps semen travel through the urethra during ejaculation. During
arousal, the prostate enlarges, which can make it easier to feel.
When aroused, some P-spots can feel similar to the muscle between
the thumb and forefinger (when tensed). To find your P-Spot,
insert a finger or fingers 2-3 inches into your anus and gently
explore the area towards your belly button with a “come
hither” motion.
The
Frisky Biscuit is not responsible or liable for any injury or
damage that may result from actions taken from these suggestions.
Male
Masturbation
How
do I use Penis/Vacuum Pumps?
The
pump creates a vacuum around the base of the penis and draws blood
into the area, sensitizing the area. The penis will swell slightly
as a result of the increased blood. When the pump is removed, the
area will return to its pre-pumped state. The pump induced
erection can be maintained by wearing a cock ring right after the
pump is removed (do not exceed 25 minutes with the ring on).
Additionally, you may find the use of a cock ring enhances
the seal.
To
use:
1. Apply
a GENEROUS AMOUNT of
lubricant around the base of the penis – this creates
an air seal for the vacuum. The lube will also keep the
skin moist and prevent skin from adhering to the sides of the
pump.
2. Hold
the cylinder against your body so that it encases the penis.
3. Gently
squeeze the pump handle or bulb until enough suction is created.
GO SLOWLY!
4. If
you pump while the pressure is low, the sensation will resemble
sucking. Some people enjoy warmth while they are pumping (bath,
warm water, etc).
WARNING:
DO NOT USE PUMPS IF YOU HAVE A BLEEDING DISORDER, ARE DIABETIC, OR
ON BLOOD THINNERS
The
Frisky Biscuit is not responsible for any damages or injury that
may result in following the above instructions. They are for
information purposes only.
Why
use lube??
There
are many brands and types of lubricant
WATER
BASED LUBES:
· Pros: Highly
versatile, perfect for internal and external use. Tend to irritate
genital tissues less than most other lubes. Rinses off and out of
the body easily. Compatible will nearly all toys.
· Cons: Tend
to dry out, leaving the area feeling sticky/tacky quicker than if
a silicone lube was used. Not effective in water (hot tubs,
showers, bathtubs).
Glycerin: Many
water based lubes utilize glycerin, a sugar-based chemical
designed to increase the viscosity (slipperiness) of the
lubricant. Lubes with glycerin (especially gels) are excellent for
anal sex activities because they remain in place. Not for women
with chronic yeast infections.
SILICONE
BASED LUBES:
· Pros: Provides
extra “slipperiness” and last a long, long while in very small
amounts. They are an excellent choice for water (shower, hot tub,
bathtub), as the lube will remain slick. Also good for anal play,
as they remain effective for long periods of time. Make excellent
moisturizer for the skin and can be used as massage gel.
· Cons: Do
NOT use with silicone toys as they will damage your toy. May take
longer to clean off. Costly.
SPECIALTY
LUBES: Flavored
lubes are fantastic for external use, especially for oral sex.
Generally water based, some contain glycerin or other sugars
(which may cause irritation internally). Warming lubes are
preferred by some to enhance natural wetness or to increase
sensitivity during intercourse. Others swear by the tingle of a
cooling lubricant
Bondage
and Role Playing: Spanking Implements
There
are 4 things to look at when deciding what spanking implement to
purchase:
Safety
Tips:
· PRACTICE
PRACTICE PRACTICE!!!! Before
you try the implement on your partner, practice on yourself first.
Once you think you have it down, practice on pillows. Make sure to
avoid hitting non-padded, exposed areas such as the middle of the
back, near the kidneys.
· If
it looks like sunburn, it’s a good time to stop! Unless
you are well versed and highly experienced in spanking, it is
recommended that once the skin is warm and red, you stop. Further
strokes/strikes onto the same area can leave bruises and welts and
can be dangerous. Go with what your partner is feeling.
· COMMUNICATE!!!! At
the beginning, you will need to go slowly. Watch your partner’s
reactions, talk about the experience afterwards—it’ll give you
ideas for how to improve the next time. If your partner
experiences pain, hit lighter or move to a different area.
Source:
Albany PowerEx.
The Frisky Biscuit is not responsible or liable for any injury
or damage that may result from actions taken from these
suggestions.
Bondage
and Role Playing: Nipple Clamps
Nipple
Clamps run the gamut from very loose and comfortable to pinching
and severe. It is important to start with a beginner set of clamps
and work your way up. Beginner clamps are adjustable and put less
pressure over time on the nipple, and ensure that the pressure is
being spread through a wider area of the nipple.
Helpful
Hints:
· Applying
Clamps: Slide
the clamp from the base of the nipple up towards the top of the
breast. The clamp should rest against the breast, with the chain
loose between the two clamps. When nipples are purple-ish in color
or cold, the clamps should be removed.
· Initial
Discomfort: There
may be initial discomfort with the clamps as they are applied and
tightened. These feelings should pass after 5 min or so. If they
don’t subside, remove the clamps.
· Removing
the Clamps: The
best and safest way, to remove clamps is to pinch and pull up on
the nipple, then slowly release the clamp.
The
Frisky Biscuit is not responsible or liable for any injury or
damage that may result from actions taken from these suggestions.
For
some people, bondage has a taboo associated with it. Not anymore.
A lot of couples are getting into fantasy restraining or sensual
flogging. Did you know that if you cover your lover’s eyes and
caress their body with a feather, it’s considered bondage? Why
continue to use your good silk neck ties? We carry products for
beginners who just want to try it out and the rough stuff for the
seasoned pros.
Anal
Play: Where to begin??
Safety
Tips:
-
Use
plenty of lubricant! The butt does not self lubricate. There
are special anal lubricants, designed to be slightly thicker
and longer lasting to aid in successful anal play.
-
Begin
slowly – stimulate around the outside of the anus with the
lube of your choice.
-
Don’t
go from the butt to the vagina - this can cause an infection.
-
Softer
textures are easier on sensitive tissue and will follow the
natural curve of the rectum.
-
Angle
penetrative instruments towards the prostate or toward the
g-spot.
-
Do
not insert anything that has sharp, pointy or abrasive edges,
as they can lead to tearing or rupture of the tissue.
-
Keep
anal toys clean and separate from your other toys. Use an
anti-bacterial soap or toy cleaner and hot water to wash your
toys after each use to ensure you keep them sanitary. You may
also use a condom over the toy.
How
do I begin exploring anal play? Is it safe?
Anal
play is becoming more mainstream and popular among both
heterosexual and homosexual couples. The key to anal play is to
start small and slow and always use plenty of lubricant, whether
you are using a toy or fingers or other objects. Additionally,
some people find that utilizing an enema before anal play ensures
there is less clean up at the end. But, it is not necessary.
Is
anal play painful?
Anal
play shouldn’t be painful at all! By starting slowly, and
gradually building up your tolerance for larger
plugs/dildos/beads/other toys, you will ensure that you experience
maximum pleasure and minimal pain. Some people say they experience
an initial sensation of pain when a plug is inserted, as the anal
cavity widens to accommodate the plug. However, this should be
mild and short-lived and can be minimized by using a good
lubricant and going slowly. Additionally, avoid using numbing
agents, as this can decrease your ability to know if there’s a
problem.
Is
anal play arousing?
Yes!
Some people state that they receive much more powerful orgasms
through anal play than through clitoral, vaginal or penis orgasms.
Most
important is to remember to always use a toy with a FLARED BASE to
prevent the
toy from sliding all the way into your anal cavity.
There
are many toys for anal play including butt plugs, dildos,
vibrators and anal beads. Many toys are also combinations of these
types. The key is to remember to start small—both width-wise and
lengthwise!!
What’s
with Anal Sex Anyway?
People
love anal play because it feels great. While our society is
rife with rumors that anal play is painful and damaging to our
bodies, the truth is that butt sex can be healthy and extremely
pleasurable. Our anuses are packed with nerve endings, and
they’re the same kind of nerve endings found throughout our
genitals: the ones that make other types of sex pleasurable.
Anal penetration is also the only way to stimulate the prostate,
the male equivalent of the G-Spot. To find it, feel the
front wall of the anus (toward your partner’s belly button).
It’s about two to three inches inside, and it has a slightly
crinkled texture that people compare to the surface of an almond.
Some men can have orgasms from having their prostates stimulated.
If
your partner is hesitant to explore their butt, you may have to
dispel some of the rumors they've heard about anal sex.
Let’s just address some of the common myths upfront:
-
"It
hurts!" Anal
sex only hurts if you’re doing it incorrectly. The
majority of us carry a lot of tension in our assholes--the
same way we carry stress in our shoulders. Pain results
when an object is forced through tight sphincter muscles,
damaging the delicate anal tissues. If anal sex ever hurts,
you should stop or take the stimulation back a notch.
Remember--the key to anal pleasure is relaxation and
lubrication! (Please don’t ever use numbing creams for
anal sex. Pain is a warning signal from our bodies that
we should take seriously.)
-
"It
gives you hemorrhoids (and/or uncontrollable bowels)!" Most
people find that when they start exploring butt play, their
anal health improves. All muscles benefit from the
increased circulation that results from exercise and
relaxation.
-
"It’s
messy!" Although
you’re likely to encounter some mess in your anal sex
career, it’s probably going to be a lot less than you
imagined. Most anal play engages only the first few
inches of the anus and rectum, which do not store feces.
Most people find that a thorough wash in the shower does the
trick for removing any surface grime. If you’re
fastidious about cleaning, try an Anal Douche with regular
room temperature tap water a couple hours before you play.
Toy
Cleaning and Care
· Non-Porous
Materials
Silicone:
Silicone is our material of choice. Toys made of
silicone have non porous surfaces that will clean easily and
thoroughly. Silicone may also be shared safely after
washing and disinfecting. To clean silicone, wash with
toy cleaner. Immersing in boiling water for 10 minutes
can disinfect them. Running the toy through the dishwasher on the
top rack can also clean silicone. Never use silicone lubricant
with silicone toys.
Glass:
Wash with toy cleaner or boiling water.
Pyrex:
Boil or place in the dishwasher.
Stainless
Steel:
Boil, soak in a bleach/water solution, or place in the dishwasher.
· Porous
Materials
Jelly-Rubber:
Jelly-rubber is a porous material that can’t be completely
disinfected. While we do not know the exact make up jelly-rubber
toys, some have been known to contain questionable chemicals such
as phthalates and toluene. Although no conclusive studies have
been linked to the chemicals in sex toys with any health risks, we
believe the only safe way to use a porous toy is by using a
condom. To clean jelly-rubber toys, wipe with a cloth
and warm water then spray with toy cleaner. Let toy air dry.
Cyberskin: Also
known as softskin, is a delicate material, so be gentle when
cleaning it. Cyberskn is porous and can’t be disinfected and
many of the materials found in rubber-jelly are found in these
toys. We also recommend using a condom with these toys. To
clean: wash delicately with toy cleaner. Air-dry, and powder with
a small amount of cornstarch. Do not use talcum powder. Some
research has shown talc to cause cervical cancer. Store cyberskin
toys in a plastic bag with a small amount of cornstarch to keep
them from getting sticky.
Soft
Vinyl:
Soft vinyl toys have a smooth, flexible surface that is easy to
clean, and typically contain a much lower level of chemicals than
those of jelly-rubber toys. We recommend cleaning soft vinyl toys
by wiping them with a cloth and warm water and spraying them with
toy cleaner.
Hard
Plastic:
Wipe down with a wet cloth and spray with toy cleaner.
Acrylic:
Wash with warm water and spray with toy cleaner.
Tips
For Greater Enjoyment and Longer Life of Your New Toys
How
to Use a Cock Ring
Men
enjoy all kinds of sex toys (including vibrators) and one of the
staples of their toy box is cock rings. A great toy for solo or
partner play, the cock ring is a strip of material or a continuous
o-ring designed to restrict the blood from flowing out of the
penis, which can prolong an erection. Why wear a cock ring? Lots
of reasons! They temporarily create more sensitive, intense and
hard erections, and can even help some men delay ejaculation. (Of
course, everybody is different, and not all men respond to cock
rings the same way. For some, the intense sensations caused by the
cock ring make them come faster.)
There
are many kinds of cock rings, but if you're new to cock rings,
you'll want to choose one that's adjustable and easy to remove
· Cock
rings that fasten. Basic
leather or nylon cock rings are great for beginners because
they're easy to put on and can be removed in (literally) a snap.
Those with snaps, such as the 5 Snap Leather Cock Ring, can fit a
bit more securely, while those with Velcro closures are very
adjustable and especially easy to remove.
· Continuous,
O-ring-style cock rings. The
less expensive styles are great for first-time users. They’re
not size-specific (and despite their small size, they do stretch a
lot), and they're not too difficult to get on. Some are adorned
with small nubs which can give some clitoral stimulation if worn
during intercourse.
· Vibrating
Cock Rings. These
offer an extra buzz to the penis or testicles and are also great
fun during partner sex. They're typically rings with a small
vibrating attachment, like the Deep Diver Dolphin Enhancer with
Beads or the Screaming O.
· Cock
rings with fancy features. Experienced
cock ring fans can delight in more complicated leather rings that
include multiple straps, testicle separators, or weights, as well
as rings made of inflexible materials like aluminum.
Get
it On, then Get Off!
· Prep
your gear. If
you're using a stretchy O-ring, you might want to increase its
diameter by putting it over a shampoo bottle for a few hours.
Masturbate or fantasize in order to perk up your penis, as cock
rings are easier to put on if you're semi-erect.
· Lube
up. Particularly
if you're using a rubber or seamless O-ring, put some lube on your
penis and balls, so the cock ring will slide on more comfortably.
· Location,
location, location. Cock
rings typically are worn around the base of the cock and the
balls. You can just wear it on the shaft (and by all means
experiment), but cock rings function the most effectively when
secured around both the scrotum and cock.
· Put
cock rings on when you're semi-erect. If
you've got a solid cock ring, first pull the loose skin of your
scrotum through, then drop one testicle through, then the other,
and finally push your penis through. If you're using a strip of
material that fastens, just gently lift your balls and fasten the
strip around the penis and the balls, so it's resting between your
genitals and the rest of your body.
· Masturbate. Once
you’ve become accustomed to the sensations your cock ring
creates, try masturbating. If your ring is the vibrating
type, you can experiment with pointing the vibrating portion on
your testicles for an extra buzz.
· Share
it with a friend. Vibrating
cock rings were designed to offer female partners clitoral
stimulation during intercourse. Position the vibrator near the top
of your cock (or the dildo if you've got a strap-on) so that
during intercourse it bumps up against her clitoris. Keep your
body down parallel to hers and try slow, shallow thrusts to make
sure she receives consistent contact with the vibrator. Or try it
with her on top, moving in more of a grinding than up-and-down
motion.
· Get
it off. In
general, it's best to take off your cock ring after about twenty
minutes. Pay attention to the penis; it should never turn cold or
go numb (clear signs you've had the cock ring on too long). To
remove a solid O-ring style cock ring, you need to be only
semi-erect so the ring is loose enough to feed your dick and balls
back through. (Applying ice can help take down a stubborn
erection.) Don’t forget to clean your cock ring with some
Toy Cleaner or Med Wipes.
The
Frisky Biscuit is not responsible or liable for any injury or
damage that may result from actions taken from these suggestions.
How
to Talk Dirty
Wow.
What person doesn’t like a little bit of the naughty talk! Don’t
be fooled into thinking that dirty talking is just repeating
certain “nasty” words and phrases. In the hands of a
thoughtful lover, hot talk is elevated to an art form. Not only
can dirty talk heat up your love life, it can open up avenues of
communication about sex in your relationship. And hot talk is an
unsurpassed tool to help you explore fantasies through the power
of imagination.
-
Find
a Vocabulary. One
of the hardest parts of becoming a stellar dirty-talker is
finding a vocabulary that seems right to you. “Cock” or
“Dick” or “Penis?" “Pussy” or “Cunt”?"
Or are you looking for different words altogether? Most people
find that some words make them hot, while others make them
laugh, and others leave them cold. Start thinking about the
sexy words that get your engines revving, and start putting
those words to use! One of the best tips for getting started
is to describe what’s happening when you’re having sex and
how you feel about it.
-
Talk
about Sex. Period.
If you and your partner haven’t already cultivated
communication about sex in your relationship, it will be more
challenging to dip your toes into the world of dirty talk. If
you have trouble talking about sex in general, dirty talk may
not seem like an exciting idea at all. If this is the case,
hot talk should be only one part of your developing repertoire
for communicating about sex.
-
Talk
about Sex Outside the Bedroom. As
you explore dirty talk, you should also be building other ways
of talking to your partner about sex outside of the act
itself. Our favorite tool for couples' communication is the
sex date. Treat yourselves to a fabulous night out and have a
chat about your sex life, especially the things you like about
it and the things you’d like to try in the future. Outside
of your relationship with your partner, it makes a
revolutionary difference in both your day-to-day and your sex
life to have a community of friends in which it’s perfectly
normal to talk about sex.
-
Practice,
Practice. If
even the thought of whispering nasty secrets in your lover’s
ear makes you squeamish, learning to talk dirty may take some
extra dedication and practice. Many people feel uncomfortable
when they first begin to hone their dirty-talking skills. Be
assured that the more practice you get, the more comfortable
you’ll feel. You may need to work on your vocabulary by
practicing aloud to yourself. You can make the practice even
more fun if you talk to yourself while you masturbate. Or
maybe you should start out by writing hot notes to your
sweetie rather than speaking aloud.
-
Shape
your Style. The
best dirty talkers convey their needs and desires in a way
that feels genuine to them. Finding a vocabulary is the first
step on the path to finding your style as a dirty talker.
There are as many different ways to talk dirty as there are
people in the world. And your style can change according to
how you’re feeling that day, or depending on your partner,
or what particular erotic scene you're crafting. Hot talk can
be sweet, sassy, teasing, nasty, commanding, silly,
enthusiastic, gentle, dominating, or loving. Find the
words, phrases and attitude that feel right to you!
-
Research. Dirty
talking is a two-way street. It’s important to take into
consideration your partner’s preferences for words and
phrases as well as your own. To be a great dirty talker, you
need to know your partner’s hot spots. Words that might be
offensive to one person will be right on the money for getting
someone else’s juices flowing. It’s the difference between
calling someone your “sweetheart” or your “sweet little
cocksucker.” You can start sharing your fantasies by
taking turns telling each other hot stories. Or, you can even
write each other sexy notes. One of the easiest ways to
delve into your fantasy life is to share erotica that you
enjoy with your partner, and tell them what makes it hot for
you. Or watch a porn video together and talk about what you do
or don't like about the verbal repartee.
-
Surprise! Hot
talk is a great sexy tool because it’s so portable. You can
take it anywhere with you as long as you’re discreet! Take
advantage of a crowded restaurant or bar, a quick private trip
in an elevator, or a short talk on the phone to unleash some
sexy words on your unsuspecting honey. And expect to be
rewarded with some hot sex by the time you make it home.
How
To Bend Over Your Man
Over
the years we’ve been thrilled to see an amazing increase in the
number of couples wanting to explore anal pleasure.
It’s heartwarming to see all sorts of people shopping for dildos
and harnesses and exploring an often overlooked center of sexual
pleasure. Just remember to start slowly. The anus is a
muscle and needs to “learn” how to stretch. You may want to
start with a Prostate stimulating toy at first and then graduate
to a harness. Many harness brands make attachments for anal sex.
Slow and steady wins the race and remember to use plenty of lube.
The
Right Stuff
So
what’s the "right way" to do anal sex? Each of
these steps is crucial to happy butt sex.
-
Relax. Bend-over
beginners need to learn to relax the sphincter muscles that
ring the anal opening. Learning to relax these muscles can
take time--especially after years of neglect or tension. Run
your finger along the anus to relax it first. Gently insert
lubed finger into the anus. Ask your partner to push out as if
trying to have a bowel movement. That will relax the outer
sphincter enough to slip in a finger or anal toy.
-
Communicate. It’s
important that the person being penetrated control the pace of
play. Nothing should ever be forced or hurried in anal play,
and partners should stay in close communication about what
feels good--and what doesn’t.
-
Use
lots of lubricant. Don’t
skimp on lube! The fragile lining of the anus does not
lubricate sufficiently for pleasurable anal sex. Add more lube
than you think you need. Generously lube the anus and
your toy, and reapply often.
-
Go
slow. Especially
at first, when your toy or finger first enters the anus, your
partner will need some time to adjust to the sensation. Check
in about what feels good. As they learn to relax their
sphincter muscle they'll probably request more vigorous
thrusting.
Body
Image and Sexiness
From
what we hear around the stores it seems almost everyone is plagued
by bad body image these days. Don’t let your perceptions of your
body cause havoc in your sex life. Your partners with you they
must like what they see. Sexy people come in all shapes and sizes.
Being sexy is a matter of attitude, and confidence is of the
essence. Be kind to yourself, and start getting rid of those
voices in your head that critique your body. Sexiness is a
self-fulfilling prophesy: if you feel sexy, you are sexy!
Visualize yourself and the awesome sex goddess that you are and
viola! Didn’t you ever hear you can be whatever you want to be?
Also, remember our logo: Love your body. Love yourself!
The
Secret of Sex Appeal
From:
eHarmony Advice
The
word "sex" may have more explosive connotations and
baffling confusion attached to it than any other word in the
English language. And the idea of "sex appeal" is just
like it. It's got power all right. That may be why you're reading
this article. We all want to have sex appeal. We might not agree
on exactly what the term means, but if someone accused us of
having it, we wouldn't argue with them.
If
you have sex appeal, it means there's something about you that
makes a person hunger to be as close to you as possible. They want
to have their arm interlocked with yours, feel your skin by
touching your hand, and, obviously, in time, they want to kiss you
and do all the physical things we are all perfectly aware of.
There is something so attractive about you that they want to bond
with you, literally become one with you.
But
this is where we have to think very carefully. Clearly, we like
the idea of persons of the opposite sex finding us so appealing
that they want to become one with us. What a compliment! But what
part of you do they want to become one with—just your body, or
your body, mind, and soul? We get nervous and defensive when
someone finds just our body appealing—and they don't know the
first thing about our mind and soul.
And
we should! In the larger scheme of things, our bodies are but a
small part of the totality of us. Our minds are thousands of times
more complex and unique, and what we call our souls are the
deepest parts of us, the parts that are so central to our being
that their value to us is beyond words, beyond measurement. Most
of us are just beginning to understand our souls a little bit. We
have flashes of awareness of how unique our souls are, how they
contain all the really precious parts about us, and we literally
shudder at the idea of playing fast and loose with this
unbelievably masterful part of our identity. We're the only person
in the history of the world with the soul we have, and if we
gained the whole world, but lost our soul, we would have lost
everything.
So,
when we talk about sex appeal, we're talking about being someone
whose whole package appeals to the kind of person who will relate
to the entirety of us. While the place to start may be with our
physical appearance, it's only about 10% of the total process.
There's not a thing in the world wrong with watching your weight,
toning your body, choosing the right haircut, wearing stylish
clothes, and following every last rule of physical hygiene. You
will make yourself far more appealing physically, and you will
already be 10% of the way to a sex appeal that will draw the kind
of person you are dreaming of.
And
then the fun begins! The next 30% of sex appeal is about getting
your mind in shape. The health of your mind has little to do with
your intelligence rating. You may have an I.Q. of 90 or a 100 or a
130. At any intelligence level, the critical question is how
healthy is your mind? Just as the health of your body is a
consequence of what you feed it, how often you exercise it, the
amount of rest you grant it, and how you protect it against
disease, the same is true of your mind. If you want to have a
really healthy mind, feed it good stuff--stimulating reading
material, uplifting and inspirational music, challenging
conversation about major topics, and time to reflect. And exercise
it. Take on some fascinating new reading material about subjects
that at first glance seem too much for you. Join some new groups
that tax you to your edges. Keep trying new things. As your mind
grows bigger and stronger, your sex appeal will literally
multiply.
And
then, the real secret of sex appeal! You may think it’s an
exaggeration, but 60% of lasting sex appeal is all about your
soul. There are just three things to do to get your soul healthy.
First, get to know it. Go down inside yourself, clear to the
center of you, and become a close friend of your soul. This
usually requires time alone, time for reflection, meditation
and/or prayer. Second, get yourself powerfully loved at the
deepest of levels—loved in a durable way, loved unconditionally.
And finally, get about the task of becoming unswervingly
authentic. Let your soul be at the center of your life, rather
than trapped in a dark basement of your being.
We
bet you're wondering how this article turned from sex appeal into
a discussion of body, mind and soul. Well, because most people
fall for the old idea that sex appeal is all about your body. Some
of them get (or are already are) physically attractive but go on
to neglect their minds and souls. They snag a lot of fish from the
sea. And usually, these relationships deteriorate as soon as they
got beyond the first 10% layer. On the other hand, wiser people
build their sex appeal around the beauty of their bodies, the
magnificence of their minds, and the delicacy and vibrancy of
their souls—and those relationships are the ones that flourish
increasingly over time.
Sexual
Problems and Depression
From:
WebMD
If
you are clinically depressed and also experiencing sexual
problems, you're not alone. Sexual problems, such as erectile
dysfunction (ED) or an inability to have an
orgasm, often co-exist with depression. The good news is that
doctors can usually treat sexual problems that coincide with
depression. Sometimes it's as easy as asking your doctor to change
your medication
What
is the connection between sexual problems and depression?
Think
of the brain as a highly sensitive sex organ. Sexual desire starts
in the brain and works its way down. That's because of special
brain chemicals known as neurotransmitters. These chemicals
increase communication between brain cells and trigger more blood
flow to the sex organs. The problem is, with depression and other
mood disorders, these brain chemicals are imbalanced.
Many
men and women with depression tell of having low or no sexual
desire. And that puts a tremendous strain on intimate
relationships.
Do
antidepressants cause sexual problems?
As
helpful as antidepressants are
in boosting a person's mood or sense of self-worth, some types of
antidepressants -- for example, the selective serotonin reuptake
inhibitors (SSRIs) -- have undesirable side effects. Those side
effects can result in sexual problems.
